The Misadventure of Rita Skeeter
by Truly Hopeless
Summary: An attempt to get another scandalous story has disastrous consequences for Rita. Just a little one-shot to punish Rita for once and to try and get back into writing. I may write more later if I feel like it, but it will be marked as complete for now.


Author's Note: Hello everyone. I'm Hopeless and this is the first time writing a fanfiction for Harry Potter. Just to get the obligatory disclaimer out of the way, I don't own any recognizable characters used. They belong to J.K. Rowling. Also, I have not checked the Harry Potter fanfiction archive as often as I probably should (I like horror movies way too much) so if a story with a similar plot exists, I did not mean to be a copycat so please don't get angry and accuse me of being a plagiarist.

So after doing a quick internet search, I learned that Rita Skeeter still lived after Deathly Hallows and wrote biographies that, as usual, are mostly untrue. While not as heinous as Dolores Umbridge, I think she should have some sort of punishment for being dishonest. I'd also like to explore an idea involving animagi that I'm not sure were ever answered. So without further ado, the misadventure of Rita Skeeter.

* * *

The Quick Quotes Quill finished the last sentence with a flourish. Rita smiled as she rolled up the parchment used for her interview and put it in her bag. "Thank you for speaking with me, Gilderoy. The people will be glad to hear from you again."

"You're welcome. Would you like an autograph before you go?" Gilderoy Lockhart smiled; he was completely unaware that the person he just spoke to would cause trouble for the Healers working at St. Mungo's Hospital.

"Hey! What are you doing here?! Only friends and family members of the patients are allowed to come in here!" A young female Healer, who had been too busy helping Mr. and Mrs. Longbottom to notice Skeeter enter the ward, now started to make her way toward the reporter.

Knowing that she would get in trouble if the Ministry found out she had been interviewing one of the incurable patients, Rita ran out of the room.

She made sure that she rounded the corner and that there were no other Healers around before she transformed into a beetle and hid on a plant.

 _Not having your name on the registry does have its advantages,_ Rita thought to herself as the Healer ran past her, looking confused and irritated when she couldn't figure out where the reporter had gone.

As Rita waited for her to give up and return to her post, she thought about the interview she had with Gildoroy.

It had been over twenty years since the fool had been exposed as a fraud and accidentally erased his own memories. While most of the wizarding world had forgotten all about him, (except maybe to read _Gildoroy Lockhart's Guide to Household Pests_ when trying to get rid of a Doxy infestation) a few devoted fans still sent him mail wishing him the best and would even defend Lockhart's less than honorable actions.

Rita's talk with him had not revealed many interesting things about himself that the wizarding world did not already learn before or after his exposure, but information on one particular visitor to the closed ward certainly caught her attention: Hermione Granger.

Evidently, one of the closest friends to Harry Potter had visited Lockhart two weeks ago with a bouquet of flowers and a book written in runes in her arms.

Rita did not even listen to the rest of what he had to say after that detail. Instead, she started spinning a steamy narrative about Hermione having an affair with Lockhart behind her husband Ron Weasley's back.

She knew she was likely playing with fiendfyre since "Little Miss Perfect" was one of the few people who knew about her being an unregistered animagus and now had the power to punish her should she try to publish any more stories about her.

However, Rita believed that enough of her own followers still believed her old stories about Hermione playing with the emotions of Harry Potter and Viktor Krum. Besides, Pansy Parkinson did tell Rita that Hermione was among many of the female students who had a crush on Lockhart during his brief period as a teacher at Hogwarts.

And even if that weren't the case, any attempts to prevent her story from reaching the public and punish her would guarantee that people would read the story. This had happened before when the now disgraced Dolores Umbridge tried to prevent Hogwarts students from reading a copy of the Quibbler with Harry's account of the Dark Lord returning. This also seemed to work in the muggle world as well, particularly with Americans.

There was no way that she would not be able to get away with this.

Or at least that was what she thought until she heard two voices and two pairs of footsteps making their way toward her. One voice belonged to the frustrated Healer, the other, to Rita's horror, belonged to Hermione Granger.

"So then I tried to confront this woman and she ran away. Now I can't find her anywhere!"

"What does this woman look like?" Hermione asked. From the tone of her voice, it seemed that she already knew who it was.

"Curly blonde hair, probably dyed or enchanted to look blonde since she looked like she was at least sixty, two-inch long nails that are painted red, wore a red dress and heels that match her nails and jewled glasses, and had a smile that looked so fake that it makes the muggle politicians look sincere."

"And what did she do that tipped you off that she was a reporter?"

"As I finished helping the Longbottoms, I saw her putting a roll of parchment and a fancy looking quill inside of her bag. The bag looks like it was made from a crocodile's skin if that helps."

 _I'm dead_ , Rita thought as the Healer and Hermione came into view. _She knows that I was here and she knows what creature and markings to look for so there is no way for me to leave this hospital_.

She tried to move under a leaf on the plant she was hiding in so that she'd have a smaller chance of Hermione seeing her.

Hermione removed her wand from her own purse and started to scan the area for Rita.

"Why are you looking up at the ceiling?" The Healer sounded confused. "She can't be on the ceiling, can she?"

"She might," Hermione noted. "I know this woman. She has the ability to transform into a beetle. This would be impressive if I had not seen better people than her transform into other animals and if this wasn't illegal.

"I kept her secret, in part because I hoped that her knowing that I knew she was an animagus would prevent her from abusing that ability. Also, I believed that it would be somewhat hypocritical of me to out her as unregistered and not Sirius Black or James Potter.

"However, those men have long since been dead and it is highly likely that she's abusing that power again to avoid being tried for something she shouldn't have been doing in the first place. I can't let it pass this time."

As Hermione was looking closely at a different plant, Rita saw what could possibly be her one chance of escaping. A family consisting of a witch, a wizard, and a young boy had just arrived at the fourth floor with the intent of visiting someone if the flowers and wrapped gift were any indication.

"I hope Annie's doing okay," the witch told her husband. "Her dueling partner overdid it when she cast the bat bogey hex on her."

"I'm sure she's fine. The Healers said that fewer bats are coming out of her nose so she should leave this hospital within the next two weeks."

As they spoke, Rita took her chance and flew onto the hem of the witch's dress as she passed the plant.

Unfortunately, the boy noticed her. "Look mum, a beetle's on your dress! Doesn't it look pretty?"

The witch panicked and began shaking her dress to try to get rid of Rita. Rita was unable to hold on and landed on the floor where she could not avoid the feet of the witch still shaking her dress.

The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a boot coming down on her.

* * *

Some time later, Rita woke up in a spare hospital bed at St. Mungos. She wasn't sure which floor she was on, but the other room occupants were either asleep or reading a book to pass the time.

Every inch of her body hurt. Her head throbbed, her muscles ached, and she felt sure that several of her bones were broken.

 _At least I'm not dead_ , Rita thought. _I felt sure something like that should have killed me. I don't imagine how anything could be worse than that_.

The door opened at that moment and the people who came in made Rita think she had thought too soon.

First came the disgruntled Healer from the Janus Thickey Ward followed by a man who looked like her superior. He also did not look happy to see Rita here.

Next came Hermione Granger, who held the roll of parchment Rita had used for her "interview" in one hand and an official looking document in the other.

The last person, who made Rita's blood boil, was a young witch with strawberry-blonde hair tied into a bun and green eyes. She had a smug look on her face at Rita's condition. This was Aleta Baker, a relatively new reporter for the Daily Prophet who had the annoying habit of undermining everything Rita wrote by writing counter articles with the facts she had conveniently left out.

 _Great, of course the little brat has to learn my secret too._

"Ms. Skeeter," the man began, "my name is Bilius Bagnald and I'm the Healer in charge of Spell Damage on this floor. As you know, you are not allowed to interview patients at this hospital without our consent-especially not those who had their minds permanently damaged by magic. Gilderoy would be having a hard enough time already for erasing the memories of those witches and wizards and taking credit for their work if he was not a resident here. He doesn't need someone spreading false rumors about him being romantically involved with a former student of his, no matter how flawed or nonsensical the story would be.

"Furthermore, this story, regardless of whether or not people would believe it, would have also ruined St. Mungo's reputation. It would have made it look like we do not supervise our patients and either allow witches and wizards to have affairs with them or nosy yellow journalists like you to put words in their mouths."

When he finished, Bilius turned to Hermione to hear what she had to say.

"While this story would not have hurt me as much as it would have at age fifteen, when people were cruel enough to believe sending an entire envelope of undiluted Bubotuber pus was an appropriate punishment for allegedly seeing Harry Potter and Viktor Krum at the same time, it still would have hurt my reputation and my relationships with my family and friends if any of the lies were believed.

"If you had actually listened to what Lockhart said about the visits, or even read Ms. Baker's article-that she actually had permission to write-two weeks ago, you'd know that all I do during these visits is read aloud to him. He likes the _Tales of Beadle the Bard_ and even expressed interest in listening to muggle fairy tales I used to read as a child. I visit him because, as far as I know, nobody else does. While I know now that he wasn't a good teacher and do not like what he did, I don't think he deserves to never have anyone come see him and talk to him."

Aleta smirked at Rita, agitating the humiliated and injured reporter even more than she already was.

Hermione continued, "Now for a more serious issue other than fraudulent stories. While it isn't against the law to publish articles that are half-truths at best and complete lies at worst, it _is_ against the law to be an unregistered animagus. I did keep this information from the Ministry, and will likely have to face some consequences for doing so. However, seeing as you used your ability to attempt to dodge a fine that by all accounts is a much lighter punishment than spending just one minute in Azkaban, even with the dementors gone, I believe your time for consequences has come.

"You have a hearing in a week. Some Skele-Gro or some healing spells should repair your damaged bones so you will be able to adequately plead your case. Considering you nearly died from being crushed in your beetle form, the court may give you a lighter sentence, but I can't make any promises. Either way you will have to add your name to the registry so that you can no longer abuse this ability and pay the fine of twenty galleons to St. Mungos for violating the rules regarding interviewing patients. Whether they will charge you for your stay here while you recover is up to them. Good day to you."

Hermione left, leaving the interview and a document to remind Rita of her hearing on the bedside table beside her.

"Well, that was enlightening," Aleta mused, her overly cheerful tone making Rita want to strangle her. "Care to give a statement about your adventures as an animagus? And maybe get a picture of you in beetle form so that everyone knows exactly what you look like so they know not to kill you?"

"What?!"

"Okay, I was joking about the second part."

"No, I mean you can't report this!"

"Why not? I wouldn't be in here if I didn't have permission from the staff here and the truth is going to get out anyway. And I know for a fact that this won't reach the front page because, let's face it, the Prophet is just as shady as you are. Why shouldn't I write something about you? You've written about nearly everyone else so why not put _your_ namein the papers for a change?"

Rita groaned, knowing she wasn't going to get out of this.


End file.
